Since we are nearing the finish line of the home study and hoping to be put on the waiting parents's list by the end of the year, I figured it was time for an adoption process update.
With all the craziness of our new life in the US, we did carve out time to finish our paper work and create our profile book. What a relief to have these checked off the list. The profile book was a labor of love. We experienced all kinds of emotions while creating this book: I doubted my creativity, laughter as we looked at pictures, angst as we couldn't download or find pictures, heartfelt sadness and nerves as we wrote our letters to the birth parents (the hardest letters ever to write), and relief as we sent the book of to be printed. The copies are in the mail already and we'll receive them next week. I'll be thrilled to hand them to Becky, our adoption advisor.
Yesterday we crossed another big hurdle. Adoptive parents have a certain number of training hours that are needed. We attended the Bethany Domestic Infant Adoption Training yesterday. Most of the families there are behind us in the process as Bethany was extremely generous and let us move ahead on the adoption process without having taken the training until yesterday. The day was more than we expected and harder than I expected for many reasons. We heard from an adoption attorney who was extremely humorous. The director of Bethany's Seattle Office then shared about the Home Study process. Again, we knew most of what she shared. Then, the emotional part began. First, two young birth mothers shared about their experience giving birth and choosing adoption. Inspiring young women, but their stories were extremely emotional for me. Then we heard from an adoptive family, birth mom, and birth grandma who shared about their unique situation. I found it interesting how each birth mom and adoptive family came up with their own definition of openness. I believe that gave Ken and I more confidence that we filled out our paperwork correctly for us.
Ken and I went out for lunch which was very healthy (well, not the food, but the conversation). We both needed to re-focus and check in with the other. The afternoon started with a video on infertility. For me, this was the most challenging part of the day. It broke open some wounds and brought up some issues that I still need to deal with. All good, but very hard to process. All I know is that I'm still healing and processing and that that is ok. After this video we heard a Bethany Oregon Counselor share about the psychological development of adopted children. We had a good discussion about the when, where, and how to share with your child about theri adoption. Being a teacher and loving child development this was very interesting. Then we had three adoptive parents come in with their precious little girls (one year and younger) to share their stories. Two families adopted from Oregon, one from Bellingham. All amazing couples and hearing their stories was emotional (again) and encouraging too.
We finished the day looking through profile books and filling our evaluation forms. I left feeling pretty wiped out but feeling that adoption is totally right for us.
So, where are we in the process. Here's the low down:
1. CPR/First aid class - December 18.
2. In-home interview and study with Becky - after we take our CPR class and around Christmas and New Years.
3. Checking to make sure everything is in - end of December / early January.
4. Our profile books are sent out. Bethany's Seattle Office keeps 4, Bellingham gets 1, Portland gets 1, and eastern Washington gets 1.
5. We wait and pray, wait and pray, wait and pray.
6. We start getting ready. First - purchasing a car seat. Then - outfit to take baby home it, crib, diapers, etc.
7. From what we heard yesterday, it could happen quickly or it could take up to 20 months. There are many parents on the waiting list right now so Bethany really tries to help those who have been waiting a long time.
8. We are contacted by Bethany that a young woman likes our profile book and wants to meet us.
9. We meet the young woman. We won't be saying much about this meeting, the process, or her story as we need to honor her privacy and ours. Please realize that you can ask questions, but we may not be able to answer.
10. We're contacted if it's a match or not. It is her decision first though we do have the right to say "no" if we don't feel the situation is right for us. (i.e. her idea of the openness plan)
11. We wait for the birth. We may spend more time with the birth mom; we may not.
12. The birth - Our involvement depends on the wishes of the birth mom. We are most concerned about her health and welfare.
This is a brief overview of the process as we understand it so far. Everyone's story is different and from what we heard yesterday, definitely God ordained.
Will you continue to pray with us and for us and the process.
1. For the birth mother - health, wisdom in this most difficult decision, and that if she doesn't know the Lord that this may be a catalyst.
2. For the birth family - we've only started to realize that adoption doesn't just affect the birth mother and adopting parents. There are grandparents, siblings, friends, and many others who are deeply affected by this. Several girl's yesterday mentioned how they lost friends and were "disowned" by family members because of their brave choice.
3. For the baby - health, development, safe delivery, and that this child will realize how loved he/she is from day one.
4. For us - peace, patience (a scary one to ask for), good communication (we both process differently), and wisdom as we prepare. Most of all, we desire that God will be honored through this process.
This is a bit of a longer update. I wanted to get this done before we start moving into the house tomorrow, Dec, 6. Updates will be coming more regularly as things are moving quickly now.
The next blog may be about car seat shopping. We'd love to hear your suggestions and research.
Oh Amy! This is so awesome, precious. I will be praying for guidance & wisdom.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great update Amy! We are praying for Skippy, for you both and all involved. We are behind you 110%!!!! Love you!
ReplyDeleteps - we have our Britax round-about sitting in storage, and you're welcome to it. You might want to purchase a new cover, the one on it works, but has been through a little wear and tear. :)