Expecting!!!

It's just starting to hit me. I'm going to be a mom. I can truly say I'm an expectant mom. What does this really mean? I know I have much to discover and learn. We are nearing the finish line of our part and heading towards the most difficult waiting period. In so many ways, we are now officially "expecting parents."

As of today, our paperwork is finished. Our profile books are here and waiting to be examined. Our last class (CPR/First Aid) will be on Saturday. My individual interview with our case worker is tomorrow. Ken's is on Thursday. Our case worker will come to our home on Monday to interview us together and survey our home. She is a very sweet lady and knows that we are still in the process of moving in. I am nervous though I have no reason to be. Bethany desires to match children with their forever families. Still, I wonder if I'll measure up. Since it is the Christmas season, I wonder if Mary felt this way too?

After Christmas, we join the list of couples waiting to become parents. What will this mean for us? When will we become parents? After attending the class two weekends ago, I know our story will be different from everyone else.

We are excited, yet also being realistic. We could be waiting for a while, but it could also happen quickly. Ken and I do have some fun dreaming and planning. Tonight at dinner we were discussing "child proofing" the house which still has boxes in every room. We also are starting to research car seats and strollers. We'll be purchasing the car seat system in January as we don't know when we'll get "the call." The nerves and anticipation are much greater than waiting for Christmas morning though I was (and am) the child who woke up at 3 or 4 am ready to open presents.

I love this time of year, and though we don't have a Christmas tree or decorations up this year, I feel like I can relate to the true Christmas story more than ever. Mary was an expectant mother: not knowing the full story, but fully trusting in her heavenly father. Joseph was an expectant "adopting" father: this child was not from his body but wanted and loved. The shepherds were not expecting, but when they heard the news, they did not hesitate but ran to see what God had planned. The Wise Men had to wait to meet this expected child, but they were patient, diligent, and obedient. My prayer this Christmas season is that we all may be joyfully expectant and trusting that our loving God has our story perfectly planned and that we'll be as obedient and ready as those in the Christmas story were.

Our Adoption Training

It's been way too long since I've blogged, but with travels, packing moving, packing, moving, and adjusting to being in the United States, blogging has dropped off my radar screen.

Since we are nearing the finish line of the home study and hoping to be put on the waiting parents's list by the end of the year, I figured it was time for an adoption process update.

With all the craziness of our new life in the US, we did carve out time to finish our paper work and create our profile book. What a relief to have these checked off the list. The profile book was a labor of love. We experienced all kinds of emotions while creating this book: I doubted my creativity, laughter as we looked at pictures, angst as we couldn't download or find pictures, heartfelt sadness and nerves as we wrote our letters to the birth parents (the hardest letters ever to write), and relief as we sent the book of to be printed. The copies are in the mail already and we'll receive them next week. I'll be thrilled to hand them to Becky, our adoption advisor.

Yesterday we crossed another big hurdle. Adoptive parents have a certain number of training hours that are needed. We attended the Bethany Domestic Infant Adoption Training yesterday. Most of the families there are behind us in the process as Bethany was extremely generous and let us move ahead on the adoption process without having taken the training until yesterday. The day was more than we expected and harder than I expected for many reasons. We heard from an adoption attorney who was extremely humorous. The director of Bethany's Seattle Office then shared about the Home Study process. Again, we knew most of what she shared. Then, the emotional part began. First, two young birth mothers shared about their experience giving birth and choosing adoption. Inspiring young women, but their stories were extremely emotional for me. Then we heard from an adoptive family, birth mom, and birth grandma who shared about their unique situation. I found it interesting how each birth mom and adoptive family came up with their own definition of openness. I believe that gave Ken and I more confidence that we filled out our paperwork correctly for us.

Ken and I went out for lunch which was very healthy (well, not the food, but the conversation). We both needed to re-focus and check in with the other. The afternoon started with a video on infertility. For me, this was the most challenging part of the day. It broke open some wounds and brought up some issues that I still need to deal with. All good, but very hard to process. All I know is that I'm still healing and processing and that that is ok. After this video we heard a Bethany Oregon Counselor share about the psychological development of adopted children. We had a good discussion about the when, where, and how to share with your child about theri adoption. Being a teacher and loving child development this was very interesting. Then we had three adoptive parents come in with their precious little girls (one year and younger) to share their stories. Two families adopted from Oregon, one from Bellingham. All amazing couples and hearing their stories was emotional (again) and encouraging too.

We finished the day looking through profile books and filling our evaluation forms. I left feeling pretty wiped out but feeling that adoption is totally right for us.

So, where are we in the process. Here's the low down:

1. CPR/First aid class - December 18.

2. In-home interview and study with Becky - after we take our CPR class and around Christmas and New Years.

3. Checking to make sure everything is in - end of December / early January.

4. Our profile books are sent out. Bethany's Seattle Office keeps 4, Bellingham gets 1, Portland gets 1, and eastern Washington gets 1.

5. We wait and pray, wait and pray, wait and pray.

6. We start getting ready. First - purchasing a car seat. Then - outfit to take baby home it, crib, diapers, etc.

7. From what we heard yesterday, it could happen quickly or it could take up to 20 months. There are many parents on the waiting list right now so Bethany really tries to help those who have been waiting a long time.

8. We are contacted by Bethany that a young woman likes our profile book and wants to meet us.

9. We meet the young woman. We won't be saying much about this meeting, the process, or her story as we need to honor her privacy and ours. Please realize that you can ask questions, but we may not be able to answer.

10. We're contacted if it's a match or not. It is her decision first though we do have the right to say "no" if we don't feel the situation is right for us. (i.e. her idea of the openness plan)

11. We wait for the birth. We may spend more time with the birth mom; we may not.

12. The birth - Our involvement depends on the wishes of the birth mom. We are most concerned about her health and welfare.

This is a brief overview of the process as we understand it so far. Everyone's story is different and from what we heard yesterday, definitely God ordained.

Will you continue to pray with us and for us and the process.

1. For the birth mother - health, wisdom in this most difficult decision, and that if she doesn't know the Lord that this may be a catalyst.

2. For the birth family - we've only started to realize that adoption doesn't just affect the birth mother and adopting parents. There are grandparents, siblings, friends, and many others who are deeply affected by this. Several girl's yesterday mentioned how they lost friends and were "disowned" by family members because of their brave choice.

3. For the baby - health, development, safe delivery, and that this child will realize how loved he/she is from day one.

4. For us - peace, patience (a scary one to ask for), good communication (we both process differently), and wisdom as we prepare. Most of all, we desire that God will be honored through this process.

This is a bit of a longer update. I wanted to get this done before we start moving into the house tomorrow, Dec, 6. Updates will be coming more regularly as things are moving quickly now.

The next blog may be about car seat shopping. We'd love to hear your suggestions and research.

Unity!

Ken and I started reading an adoption book this past weekend. It is one we picked up while visiting Focus on the Family's campus in Colorado Springs last summer. I had it put away, but after we received another packet of information from Bethany last week which included a recommended reading list, we decided we should start doing some heavy reading into adoption and parenthood.

We have both read the first chapter and just started the second. It has already been helpful for several reasons. First, each chapter gives discussion questions and thoughts to honestly ponder. It gives us good dinner and after dinner conversation topics. This road we're on can seem scary, but going into this with God and trying to do all we can to be prepared helps. Second, as with every reading, the book emphasizes that the adopting couple has to be unified and fully ready to embrace the journey and adoption. One person in the couple can't run the show while the other party isn't ready. Both have to be fully into the process.

This reminds me of what Jesus said before his death on the cross. "Stay strong, be unified." He knew that there would be challenges on the road for the new church as surely as He knew we'd have challenges. He knew that by being united with other believes, encouraging each other, walking the road together, learning together, growing together that the journey would be easier.

I am so thankful that I have such a supportive husband in Ken, and that we have so many in our lives who are encouraging us and walking this journey with us.

Thoughts On Being Expectant Parents

This past week has brought lots of excitement and lots of time to think. There is a baby boom going on in Salem and at Morning Star Community Church. It has been a joy to journey through many of our friends' pregnancies and births this past year. Two couples we love dearly just had their first children last week. Congratulations again to Nolan and Jill Nelson on the birth of Jace, and to Josh and Erica Gordon on the birth of Elliana. The greatest joy is knowing that these children will be brought up in some wonderful families.

As I've anxiously waited to hear news of these births, I've thought about our situation. No, I'm not able to actually "give birth." This is a hard fact and one that God has been so gracious and gentle in helping me grasp. Yet, we will be going through many of the same emotions and stages as any expecting couple.

* When is the due date?

* What will the sex of our baby be?

* Will our baby be physically, mentally, and emotionally o.k.?

* Will we be good parents able to discipline, love, guide, correct, and raise them well?

* Will the baby be a good sleeper, eater, pooper, etc.?

One blessing about being older parents is that we have had the privilege to watch our brothers and sisters in law, along with some close friends, do a fantastic job raising their children. We are blessed to have some wonderful families in our lives.

I am being careful not to let my emotions or mind run too far or too fast. We know this will be a long journey. Yet, like every expectant parent, we want to use this time to wisely prepare ourselves individually and as a couple to be the best parents we can be.

Formal Application Sent!

Ken and I had a wonderful time filling out the Formal Application, dreaming, and discussing the future. There is so much to think about. Bethany's application process is wonderful as each step makes the couple think deeper and harder about the responsibilities, decisions, and impact that adopting a child requires. For instance, they ask about your financial status, insurance policies, outstanding debts and loans. They also ask questions regarding what physical, emotional, and mental challenges you are willing to adopt with your child. Tough questions, but it brings up good conversation and honest answers. One of the first things Becky told us was to not feel "guilty" if we put down "no." It is not a bad reflection on us as a couple, but it will help them know what situations will be best to bring our child into our lives.

This process started me thinking about parenting and major life changes in general. So often in our instant society, we rush into decisions without really looking at what the ramifications might be. Who will your decision affect outside of yourself? How will your life change (as far as you can tell)? Have you gotten good, Godly advice? Are you ready for the financial impact of your decision? Most importantly, have you spent time in prayer over your decision? What do you hear God saying to you through scripture, His still, small voice, trusted Christians? Are you listening or are you plowing ahead on your own?

Ken and I don't know how our journey will unfold. We don't know God's timeline, but we are trying to seek His will. It's one step at a time. Sending in the formal application today is a good step forward. On we go!!!

Anxious and Thankful

It has been a long time since we've posted anything, but we've been in a rather quiet season before what looks like a very busy season when it comes to the adoption process. Ken and I enjoyed a wonderful 4 weeks in Washington State, Oregon, and Colorado. To be "home" with family and friends was really energizing. We are so blessed to have such home support. Now it's the beginning of 2010 and our last 10 months or so in Paris. Our adventure here will come to a close and a new one, including adoption, is beginning.

Ken and I just completed our official orientation call with Becky, our adoption specialist from Seattle. She is such a blessing. Our orientation lasted over an hour leaving Ken and I with spinning minds. We covered so much in such a short time.

I will do my best to cover where we are in the process in a succinct fashion.

FORMAL APPLICATION - We have this in our adoption portal and plan to fill it out and e-mail it in this weekend. This is the first step in the home study process.

HOME STUDY - We plan to fill out the paperwork part of the home study which involves written essays, financial information, references, etc. during the spring. This will give Bethany some insight into Ken and I individually, as a couple, and our future as parents.

BACKGROUND CHECK - We have the paperwork for this but as fingerprints and background checks only last one year we've decided to wait until this summer while we're in Seattle to complete this step.

TRAINING WEEKEND - We are praying that we can attend the weekend training while we are in Portland or Seattle this summer. Becky has our projected itinerary and will be seeing how she can fit our unique situation into their summer schedule.

IN-PERSON HOME STUDY - Once we're home and a bit settled this fall we will meet with Becky in our home as a couple and individually. This interview time will be one of the last steps of the home study.

PROFILE BOOK - Once our home study, background checks, and interviews are completed this fall. We will put the final touches on our profile book which will go out to the Bethany offices in the Northwest. Birth moms look at these profile books to chose who they would potentially like to be their baby's adoptive parents.

WAITING - Once the profile books and our information is out, Ken and I will be waiting and praying for Becky's phone saying there is a birth mom interested in us. I am thinking this will be the hardest part of the whole process. Becky will be checking in with us at least monthly and part of our "job" as potential adoptive parents will be showing that we are actively taking classes and getting ready for the little one (i.e. getting the car seat installed).

Once we get "the call," we will most likely meet the mom who may be 7 or so months pregnant. The birth mom will then let her counselor know if we are the right parents. Once we hear this, we have a short time to really get ready.

When she is in labor we will be called and may be at the hospital for the birth. Most likely we'd take the baby home two days later, just like any parent.

Many of you have asked about parental rights. According to Washington State law, the mom can terminate her parental rights any time during the pregnancy, but it doesn't become official until 48 hours after the child is born when the attorney presents the document in court. That means 48 hours after birth IF the courtrooms are open and in session. This may seem long, but according to Becky, it is a shorter time frame than in most states including Oregon. Becky says she has never had a problem regarding this, but it does cause much anxiety for the adoptive parents.

This is the process and journey that we're on. We're on God's timeline. We covet your prayers and support. We're both overwhelmed, yet so thankful that we can be walking through this together and with God. I am tending to be emotionally distant from this and not letting myself feel anything. Ken is ready to tackle all this paperwork. We know this is a process.

Please keep us, our baby, and the baby's birth family in your prayers.
Blessings and Love!