Coming out from under the radar

Dear friends and family – We’ve been under the radar for the past couple of weeks and deeply appreciate your understanding, care, and prayers. We’ve got some wonderful news to share and a significant prayer need. Over the weekend of February 26-27, our profile book was under consideration by a 30-year-old birth mom in a Seattle hospital for a preemie birth by Caesarian section due to the mom’s health issues. The baby was born at 8:30am on Monday, February 28th, about four weeks premature. She was 5 pounds, 14 ounces and 18½ inches long. Our portfolio was one of three the mom selected, then one of two and we were asked to come to the hospital and meet her. We were blessed to talk on Tuesday evening with friends who are also adopting about their first meeting with their birth mom and, thanks to a “Ministering to Birth Parents” discussion at our church, felt a little less nervous about the interview than we might have otherwise.
On Wednesday, March 2nd, we met the mom and baby (here she is in her isolette in the Newborn ICU); she’s got a CPAP machine supporting her breathing just like I do at night and the isolette is helping to maintain her body temperature. We came out of the meeting feeling pretty confident we were picked and found out the next day that she had “officially” picked us as the adoptive parents for her baby – only one major hurdle to overcome.
The birth mom is Native American (Cheyenne-Sioux from Minnesota) so our selection requires the approval of the tribal court under the provisions of the Indian Child Welfare Act. Our attorney has sent off the relevant paperwork; the tribe has 10 business days so should be done around Friday, March 18th or early the following week. We have a slot on the court schedule here in Seattle on Friday the 25th at which the birth mom formally relinquishes her parental rights. Katie dropped down to 5 pounds, 4 ounces and was back up to 5 pounds, 8 ounces when we were finally able to visit her on Saturday, March 5th. She was also off all breathing assistance and out of the isolette. This picture is Amy feeding her her first bottle. The nurses in the NICU were great at encouraging us and teaching us to care for her.
On Monday, March 7th, Katie was moved from the NICU to an intermediate care level where one of us could spend the night in her room. Amy spent Monday and Wednesday nights with her, Ken spent Tuesday night. This formal six-week job search period Ken is in has been an incredible blessing has it has provided him the schedule flexibility to spend a lot of time bonding with Katie and supporting Amy. By Tuesday, the 8th, Katie was up to 5 pounds, 11 ounces and continuing to love eating from a bottle. She’s a very calm baby and eats every three-to-four hours during the day and every four-to-five hours at night. On Wednesday, Katie aced her hearing and car seat tests so, good news and bad news, she was going to be discharged from the hospital on Thursday. That’s good news because it’s wonderful that she’s so healthy but bad news because she can’t come home with us until the tribal court rules. We were pretty unhappy at this and really struggled. Meanwhile, the adoption agency was working to identify a foster family for Katie and hoping to find us one where we could visit during the 16 days until the court hearing. This has been a specific example for us that God has a better plan than we could ever conceive of. The foster family are strong Christians and, while we would certainly prefer to have Katie home with us, she’s in a safe home that honors Christ and cares for and prays over Katie and we’re able to honor the legal process. The wonderful story that is Katie’s will now include three moms – her birth mom; her foster mom, Karen; and Amy. The Lord is truly caring for her and for us. Karen invited Amy to attend a Christian women’s conference this weekend; they shared a room and Amy was able to care for and bond with Katie all weekend. Tomorrow, we’re going with them to Katie’s first post-discharge doctor’s appointment. Katie’s going for her first car ride; it was unimaginably tough for us to deal with it not being our car. This is Katie’s story over the first dozen days. We ask for your prayers for the tribal court’s consideration, for Katie’s birth mom, and for Katie and us – that we can continue to bond with her and continue to recognize the Lord’s many blessings in this process. Ken, Amy, and Katie

Training!

I love to run. The freedom, energy, and time of worship that running brings is an amazing gift. I also love to run in races. I'm pretty competitive and love to push myself further. Training is part of preparing for the race. I try to push myself, set goals, and do what I can to be ready for the race. Yet, no amount of training can fully prepare you for race day. The crowd, weather, route, and a number of major and minor obstacles can either help you reach further than you thought possible or hold you back.

We just took another class today to help us in our "training" to become parents. This one was an "Adoptive Family Baby Care Class." We were in a small class (only two other couples) learning more about infants and basic infant care. It was fun and informative and watching Ken hold, wash, and feed the "baby" brought a big smile to my face. We talked about new baby safety (things sure change) and when to call the doctor. We also talked about the uniqueness of adoption and the emotions of bringing our new baby home. Taking yet another class should give us more confidence when the big "day" arrives.

Yet, no amount of training (CPR, first aid, infant care classes, meeting with our family physician) can prepare us for the moment we actually are at the hospital and preparing to put the baby in the car seat and bringing him or her home. The questions, fears, and excitement will be there, just like for every new parent.

We are just so thankful that we have a God who has given us all we need to become the parents of the child He has picked for us. Just as in a race I can only see a little bit of the route ahead, God has seen the whole route. Ken and I are in a stage where we are only seeing one minute, one day at a time, we serve a God who has the path we're one planned out and we can trust Him.

Where we are right now: We are on the waiting list. Our profile books are in different offices in Oregon and Washington waiting to be looked at. Some may be mailed to a situation in a different state. We have no idea where our child will be born. If a birth mom is interested in us, we may be contacted to meet her. If the meeting goes well, she may pick us to parent her child. This is the most likely course. There is a chance we'll get a call that a mom is due very shortly or in labor and we may be asked if we'd be interested in the child. Bethany would feel this child and situation would be a great fit for us. Either way, we are getting prepared.

Our nursery is taking shape. Pictures will come when it's closer to being done. We now have a crib, pack and play, Moses basket, and booster seat thanks for my brother, Eric, and his darling wife, Ginger as well as our dear friends, Doug and Amanda. I've bought some neutral infant clothes (onesies and sleepers) and some necessities to take care of the baby (bottles, diapers, wipes).We've chosen the stroller, car seat, etc.

We are trying to be wise though and not move too fast. It is such a hard balance. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Blessings and a Happy 2011!

Expecting!!!

It's just starting to hit me. I'm going to be a mom. I can truly say I'm an expectant mom. What does this really mean? I know I have much to discover and learn. We are nearing the finish line of our part and heading towards the most difficult waiting period. In so many ways, we are now officially "expecting parents."

As of today, our paperwork is finished. Our profile books are here and waiting to be examined. Our last class (CPR/First Aid) will be on Saturday. My individual interview with our case worker is tomorrow. Ken's is on Thursday. Our case worker will come to our home on Monday to interview us together and survey our home. She is a very sweet lady and knows that we are still in the process of moving in. I am nervous though I have no reason to be. Bethany desires to match children with their forever families. Still, I wonder if I'll measure up. Since it is the Christmas season, I wonder if Mary felt this way too?

After Christmas, we join the list of couples waiting to become parents. What will this mean for us? When will we become parents? After attending the class two weekends ago, I know our story will be different from everyone else.

We are excited, yet also being realistic. We could be waiting for a while, but it could also happen quickly. Ken and I do have some fun dreaming and planning. Tonight at dinner we were discussing "child proofing" the house which still has boxes in every room. We also are starting to research car seats and strollers. We'll be purchasing the car seat system in January as we don't know when we'll get "the call." The nerves and anticipation are much greater than waiting for Christmas morning though I was (and am) the child who woke up at 3 or 4 am ready to open presents.

I love this time of year, and though we don't have a Christmas tree or decorations up this year, I feel like I can relate to the true Christmas story more than ever. Mary was an expectant mother: not knowing the full story, but fully trusting in her heavenly father. Joseph was an expectant "adopting" father: this child was not from his body but wanted and loved. The shepherds were not expecting, but when they heard the news, they did not hesitate but ran to see what God had planned. The Wise Men had to wait to meet this expected child, but they were patient, diligent, and obedient. My prayer this Christmas season is that we all may be joyfully expectant and trusting that our loving God has our story perfectly planned and that we'll be as obedient and ready as those in the Christmas story were.

Our Adoption Training

It's been way too long since I've blogged, but with travels, packing moving, packing, moving, and adjusting to being in the United States, blogging has dropped off my radar screen.

Since we are nearing the finish line of the home study and hoping to be put on the waiting parents's list by the end of the year, I figured it was time for an adoption process update.

With all the craziness of our new life in the US, we did carve out time to finish our paper work and create our profile book. What a relief to have these checked off the list. The profile book was a labor of love. We experienced all kinds of emotions while creating this book: I doubted my creativity, laughter as we looked at pictures, angst as we couldn't download or find pictures, heartfelt sadness and nerves as we wrote our letters to the birth parents (the hardest letters ever to write), and relief as we sent the book of to be printed. The copies are in the mail already and we'll receive them next week. I'll be thrilled to hand them to Becky, our adoption advisor.

Yesterday we crossed another big hurdle. Adoptive parents have a certain number of training hours that are needed. We attended the Bethany Domestic Infant Adoption Training yesterday. Most of the families there are behind us in the process as Bethany was extremely generous and let us move ahead on the adoption process without having taken the training until yesterday. The day was more than we expected and harder than I expected for many reasons. We heard from an adoption attorney who was extremely humorous. The director of Bethany's Seattle Office then shared about the Home Study process. Again, we knew most of what she shared. Then, the emotional part began. First, two young birth mothers shared about their experience giving birth and choosing adoption. Inspiring young women, but their stories were extremely emotional for me. Then we heard from an adoptive family, birth mom, and birth grandma who shared about their unique situation. I found it interesting how each birth mom and adoptive family came up with their own definition of openness. I believe that gave Ken and I more confidence that we filled out our paperwork correctly for us.

Ken and I went out for lunch which was very healthy (well, not the food, but the conversation). We both needed to re-focus and check in with the other. The afternoon started with a video on infertility. For me, this was the most challenging part of the day. It broke open some wounds and brought up some issues that I still need to deal with. All good, but very hard to process. All I know is that I'm still healing and processing and that that is ok. After this video we heard a Bethany Oregon Counselor share about the psychological development of adopted children. We had a good discussion about the when, where, and how to share with your child about theri adoption. Being a teacher and loving child development this was very interesting. Then we had three adoptive parents come in with their precious little girls (one year and younger) to share their stories. Two families adopted from Oregon, one from Bellingham. All amazing couples and hearing their stories was emotional (again) and encouraging too.

We finished the day looking through profile books and filling our evaluation forms. I left feeling pretty wiped out but feeling that adoption is totally right for us.

So, where are we in the process. Here's the low down:

1. CPR/First aid class - December 18.

2. In-home interview and study with Becky - after we take our CPR class and around Christmas and New Years.

3. Checking to make sure everything is in - end of December / early January.

4. Our profile books are sent out. Bethany's Seattle Office keeps 4, Bellingham gets 1, Portland gets 1, and eastern Washington gets 1.

5. We wait and pray, wait and pray, wait and pray.

6. We start getting ready. First - purchasing a car seat. Then - outfit to take baby home it, crib, diapers, etc.

7. From what we heard yesterday, it could happen quickly or it could take up to 20 months. There are many parents on the waiting list right now so Bethany really tries to help those who have been waiting a long time.

8. We are contacted by Bethany that a young woman likes our profile book and wants to meet us.

9. We meet the young woman. We won't be saying much about this meeting, the process, or her story as we need to honor her privacy and ours. Please realize that you can ask questions, but we may not be able to answer.

10. We're contacted if it's a match or not. It is her decision first though we do have the right to say "no" if we don't feel the situation is right for us. (i.e. her idea of the openness plan)

11. We wait for the birth. We may spend more time with the birth mom; we may not.

12. The birth - Our involvement depends on the wishes of the birth mom. We are most concerned about her health and welfare.

This is a brief overview of the process as we understand it so far. Everyone's story is different and from what we heard yesterday, definitely God ordained.

Will you continue to pray with us and for us and the process.

1. For the birth mother - health, wisdom in this most difficult decision, and that if she doesn't know the Lord that this may be a catalyst.

2. For the birth family - we've only started to realize that adoption doesn't just affect the birth mother and adopting parents. There are grandparents, siblings, friends, and many others who are deeply affected by this. Several girl's yesterday mentioned how they lost friends and were "disowned" by family members because of their brave choice.

3. For the baby - health, development, safe delivery, and that this child will realize how loved he/she is from day one.

4. For us - peace, patience (a scary one to ask for), good communication (we both process differently), and wisdom as we prepare. Most of all, we desire that God will be honored through this process.

This is a bit of a longer update. I wanted to get this done before we start moving into the house tomorrow, Dec, 6. Updates will be coming more regularly as things are moving quickly now.

The next blog may be about car seat shopping. We'd love to hear your suggestions and research.

Unity!

Ken and I started reading an adoption book this past weekend. It is one we picked up while visiting Focus on the Family's campus in Colorado Springs last summer. I had it put away, but after we received another packet of information from Bethany last week which included a recommended reading list, we decided we should start doing some heavy reading into adoption and parenthood.

We have both read the first chapter and just started the second. It has already been helpful for several reasons. First, each chapter gives discussion questions and thoughts to honestly ponder. It gives us good dinner and after dinner conversation topics. This road we're on can seem scary, but going into this with God and trying to do all we can to be prepared helps. Second, as with every reading, the book emphasizes that the adopting couple has to be unified and fully ready to embrace the journey and adoption. One person in the couple can't run the show while the other party isn't ready. Both have to be fully into the process.

This reminds me of what Jesus said before his death on the cross. "Stay strong, be unified." He knew that there would be challenges on the road for the new church as surely as He knew we'd have challenges. He knew that by being united with other believes, encouraging each other, walking the road together, learning together, growing together that the journey would be easier.

I am so thankful that I have such a supportive husband in Ken, and that we have so many in our lives who are encouraging us and walking this journey with us.

Thoughts On Being Expectant Parents

This past week has brought lots of excitement and lots of time to think. There is a baby boom going on in Salem and at Morning Star Community Church. It has been a joy to journey through many of our friends' pregnancies and births this past year. Two couples we love dearly just had their first children last week. Congratulations again to Nolan and Jill Nelson on the birth of Jace, and to Josh and Erica Gordon on the birth of Elliana. The greatest joy is knowing that these children will be brought up in some wonderful families.

As I've anxiously waited to hear news of these births, I've thought about our situation. No, I'm not able to actually "give birth." This is a hard fact and one that God has been so gracious and gentle in helping me grasp. Yet, we will be going through many of the same emotions and stages as any expecting couple.

* When is the due date?

* What will the sex of our baby be?

* Will our baby be physically, mentally, and emotionally o.k.?

* Will we be good parents able to discipline, love, guide, correct, and raise them well?

* Will the baby be a good sleeper, eater, pooper, etc.?

One blessing about being older parents is that we have had the privilege to watch our brothers and sisters in law, along with some close friends, do a fantastic job raising their children. We are blessed to have some wonderful families in our lives.

I am being careful not to let my emotions or mind run too far or too fast. We know this will be a long journey. Yet, like every expectant parent, we want to use this time to wisely prepare ourselves individually and as a couple to be the best parents we can be.

Formal Application Sent!

Ken and I had a wonderful time filling out the Formal Application, dreaming, and discussing the future. There is so much to think about. Bethany's application process is wonderful as each step makes the couple think deeper and harder about the responsibilities, decisions, and impact that adopting a child requires. For instance, they ask about your financial status, insurance policies, outstanding debts and loans. They also ask questions regarding what physical, emotional, and mental challenges you are willing to adopt with your child. Tough questions, but it brings up good conversation and honest answers. One of the first things Becky told us was to not feel "guilty" if we put down "no." It is not a bad reflection on us as a couple, but it will help them know what situations will be best to bring our child into our lives.

This process started me thinking about parenting and major life changes in general. So often in our instant society, we rush into decisions without really looking at what the ramifications might be. Who will your decision affect outside of yourself? How will your life change (as far as you can tell)? Have you gotten good, Godly advice? Are you ready for the financial impact of your decision? Most importantly, have you spent time in prayer over your decision? What do you hear God saying to you through scripture, His still, small voice, trusted Christians? Are you listening or are you plowing ahead on your own?

Ken and I don't know how our journey will unfold. We don't know God's timeline, but we are trying to seek His will. It's one step at a time. Sending in the formal application today is a good step forward. On we go!!!